The many emotions you might be experiencing right now with the surge of the Delta variant

Things were starting to feel a little more normal — for me, anyway. I know that I, personally, was a bit timid about going back out into the world at first when things started to reopen. I would diligently wear my mask, socially distance myself, and when I finally became brave enough to dine out, I definitely sat outside, masked except for when I was actively eating or drinking. There was a strange safety in that physical distance from other humans. To accidentally brush past another human in a crowded street or store was but a distant memory.

Now, I know that some states have been a bit more relaxed with their rules and regulations for quite some time. But I live in California. With some of the first known cases of Covid-19 occurring here, the state — and particularly Northern California — exacted some fairly strict mask and lockdown protocols. So when things started to open up in June, with masks no longer required inside or outside for vaccinated people, it was a big deal. I must admit, I felt weird at first, removing my mask around people I didn’t know, especially indoors. Suddenly, I found myself thinking about things I hadn’t in nearly a year-and-a-half— lipstick was a thing again, was my breath minty fresh? But after cautiously venturing out a few times, I found myself feeling free.

I embraced the changes, and found myself out and about more than ever before. Visiting nearby cities, walking around for hours and allowing myself to peruse around in shops where other people stand near me, maskless. Sitting down in restaurants, and confidently selecting ‘Inside!’ when asked where I wanted to sit. Enjoying the clinking, echoing chit chat and enjoying the human connection of sitting inside with others, experiencing… life! It felt so good to see people smile! It was finally starting to get back to some new kind of normal. We were finally getting to plan things to look forward to.

But this was shortlived, as the Delta variant started rearing its head, even toward the vaccinated. At first, it sounded like people were just spreading fear, and those most anxious to return to ‘normal’ were adamant that the variant was only affecting people who were not vaccinated, and that while vaccinated folks could get it, they would be fine. Sadly, that does not appear to be the case.

I’ve canceled one vacation so far, and have a dream vacation booked for a few months out that I’m really hoping will be able to safely take place. But these thoughts feel selfish in light of the many people-vaccinated and not-getting extremely sick from this variant. My vacations can wait, and yet I know that I’m still allowed to feel sad.

The small businesses that were crushed by the first wave must be feeling a foreboding sense of deja vu, bracing themselves for authorities to call yet another lockdown that could literally destroy their livelihoods. Some are likely torn, as are their employees, between wanting to make a paycheck, and wanting to be safe and well.

I work with some people who are extremely anxious to get back to the office. They miss the human connection and the in-person collaboration. They’ve fought tooth-and-nail to ensure they get to spend some time in-office already. They have been hosting as many events in-person with their teams as possible. They really just want things to be normal. I understand and empathize with where they’re coming from, but I also understand that many other people I work with are feeling a full spectrum of emotions, and for some, returning to the office is their worst nightmare. With the rise of the Delta variant, this has pushed some folks who were previously uncertain over the edge, to experiencing the same types of negative emotions about the upcoming return.

To be honest, I feel a weird sense of relief that return to the office might be delayed. While I don’t want it to be because there’s an aggressive variant making people very sick, I do think there are things that we don’t know — who would have thought that those who got vaccinated only a couple of months ago would now be vulnerable to a different variant of the very thing they were vaccinated against. What else don’t we know yet? The return to office potential delay also means that anxieties about that return — interacting with people in person once again, the commute, public transport, related costs-might also be delayed for a while. Again, I’m sad that this comes at the expense of people’s health, and a return to what could be another lockdown with uncertain timelines.

Overall, I think an extremely broad array of emotions are completely normal at this point. Frustration, despair, anger, a strange sense of relief, depression, fear, anxiety, worry are all things I’ve felt and continue to contend with… and yet, with all these combined, I also feel a sense of hope and optimism that at some point, hopefully soon, things will be okay.