The Sobriety Journal: Day 44 — I Can Do This

I’m kicking things off on day 44. I originally typed day 43, because that’s where I thought I was at, but then I realized it was Tuesday. My alcohol-free weeks end on a Sunday, and here I am at 6 weeks and 2 days. I’m honestly shocked I’m here.

I’ll go back through the past 6 weeks at some point soon, in the hopes that it’s as helpful for even one person as it was for me to read about the experience of others. Six weeks isn’t a long time, but it’s been sufficient to acquire a bunch of tools that have helped to get me to this point.

How am I doing, 6 weeks and 2 days in? I’m feeling well today. I had a great night’s sleep, and my FitBit woke me at 535am even though my alarm goes off at 6. But I wasn’t mad, it picked a time when I wasn’t in a deep sleep I guess. I decided to lie in bed and do some gentle stretching before I started a morning ritual, part of which I’ve picked up from Quit Like a Woman, one of several sober-literature books I’ve read in the past month-and-a half.

For my morning ritual, I did a 5-minute meditation — nothing fancy, a happiness meditation on the Peloton app on my phone. I then engaged in a few rounds of tapping (also known as EFT) — check it out on YouTube, it’s proven to help a variety of things including anxiety and depression, and deal with some of that little ‘t’ trauma everyone has tucked away in their bodies. One of my favorite things from Quit Like a Woman has been the morning ritual of boiling the kettle and pouring myself a mug of water, and then squeezing in a quarter of a lemon. As the jug boils, I fill up my massive half-gallon water container to make sure I stay hydrated throughout the day (something that helps both with sobriety and also my fitness goals which started long before alcohol-free was verbiage I could anywhere near apply to my own life). While I often end up splashing myself with water, I try to read something on my phone while I do this — it literally takes 5+ minutes to fill up this water jug — whether it be checking in to the r/StopDrinking forum, reading about podcasting, catching up on the latest reality TV news, or reading more about reiki, ASMR, EFT, EDMR, and other forms of care and self-care.

Exercise has been a big component of my AF days — although I was working out before. It feels like my body actually gets sorer now than it did before I stopped drinking. I am no scientist, but I put that down to my body being able to focus on the workout at hand rather than trying to ‘fix’ itself from the poison I willingly ingested into it the night before. I’m also noticing I’m able to focus more on my form which is probably meaning I’m getting a better workout. Again, no expert here, just more of an observation.

I’ve also decided to intentionally enjoy the entire week, not just the weekends. I guess I’d just generally assumed that the week was going to be a bit subpar, that even though I’d try to enjoy work I’d inevitably get annoyed or frustrated or bored, and that I needed to slog through the weekday bits to get to the good bits. I’m quite aware that’s not truly living and it’s stressful and overwhelming to think that way — talk about a hamster on a wheel.

It might sound weird (it does to me and I’m the one who did it!), but I’d save up my favorite outfits and other things for the weekend, or at least later in the week. I guess this mirrored my drinking where I used to ramp up my drinking from nothing or a ‘small amount’ (totally relative term here) to an all out booze-fest on the weekend. Apparently I needed to save my favorite clothes for that activity. Trying not to judge myself as I type this, to give myself some grace. To observe and let it go.

I’ve also noticed an increasing need to be creative — whether it writing, learning a new skill, thinking about entrepreneurial activities. I do have more free time when it’s not consumed by drinking, and it feels like I could put it to use with something that’s more fulfilling and of benefit in the longer-term.

All of this is to say, I’m here to document this alcohol-free journey and time. I hope that it helps you in some way. I’ll bounce around from some of my experiences in the very early days to how I’m progressing within month 2 and beyond. Feel free to drop me a note if you’re interested in learning anything specific about my journey. I will not drink with you today.