The Sobriety Journal: Day 46 — A Million Little Things
Today started off with a happiness meditation on my Peloton app. We repeated a mantra — in every day, in every way, I am better. It seemed appropriate given this journey I’m on, that maybe you are too, or maybe you’re just contemplating and that’s just fine as well. Sometimes it’s the little things that add up, consistently, over time, that get us where we need to go.
It’s the little things I’m noticing that I have time for now. Making the bed in the morning, folding clothes on the weekend. The things that I’d put aside for later, but then that later never came because I’d inevitably have a few drinks and either not do them at all, or do them so poorly that I’d need to redo them all over again… in that case, why bother, right? That’s not to say that everything is spotlessly clean or that I’ve replaced drinking alcohol with a cleaning obsession. There are just more things right — some are tiny and likely noticeable to me, but it’s a start.
Today is a Thursday and once again, I’m deciding — making an intentional choice — to enjoy my entire week and not just the weekends. I’m wearing a top I like that I’d normally reserve for at least Friday. I actively enjoyed water with a squeeze of lemon when I woke up (I’ve finally found that perfect amount of water that it takes to fill up an entire mug and also not take seemingly hours to boil), and active recovery day which involved a super stretchy yoga session and some foam rolling. Started to get my steps in. Made a proper, nutritious breakfast and took advantage of my meal prep for lunch. Meal prep — something else I’ve been consistent with over the past few weeks. Again, the little things.
Meditation is one of those things that I’ve been curious about for a while. It seems like you’re doing nothing, it’s hard at first because ‘regular life’ is such a distraction. But the more I’ve read about it the more I’ve realized that it has actual benefits. And the more I’ve tried it, the more I’ve felt those benefits — in the way I’ve responded to things, my reactions are calmer, I feel stronger mentally. It’s not like I do it for hours and hours at a time — gosh, no — typically 5 minutes in the morning, sometimes I can manage 10–15 minutes, and I do also enjoy sleep meditations — they’re soothing and help when you’re finding it hard to naturally drift off. So I’m going to keep doing that. I use the Peloton app and some guided meditations I come across on YouTube, and I’ve heard Headspace and Calm are both good as well. Do what suits you! Anyway, I’ve personally been enjoying it. I guess that’s another thing I used to do but am doing more consistently now.
Contemplating reading a new sober literature book as well, but having some challenges finding the right one. I’ve really enjoyed This Naked Mind, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and Quit Like a Woman. Some of the others I’ve heard about have some sketchy reviews where they seem to be preachy about AA (not for me, totally fine if it’s your jam) or actually say some things that can actually come across as judgemental and somewhat damaging (again, not what I’m looking for personally). I’d love to share my thoughts on the above books at some stage — they’re each truly exceptional in their own ways and have truly helped me significantly over the past month and a half — and will continue to research other potential options that seem like a good fit for now. Would love to hear what you’ve been reading, and what you’ve found particularly helpful. Ah, reading — another thing I’ve gotten back into — where I don’t often have to rewind the pages because I’ve lost track and haven’t been paying attention. Electronic pages I can immerse myself in and learn and grow, or even escape in a much healthier way than I’d become accustomed to. Another little thing.
In these small and incremental ways, I am better. Not better than anyone else — but better within myself. And I will not drink with you today.
